


What She Forgot

by RainbowBoy88



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Anti-Hero, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, BDSM, Bipolar Disorder, Bondage, Crying, Depression, Drama & Romance, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Fucked Up, Gay Bashing, Handcuffs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Real Events, Lesbian Character, Loneliness, Love/Hate, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-con, Presumed Dead, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Sex, Social Anxiety, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowBoy88/pseuds/RainbowBoy88
Summary: Welcome to the madness locked in a little girls mind. She has lots of imaginary friends, you will meet. They're her real friends. This world was too much for her.





	What She Forgot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [to a little broken soul](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=to+a+little+broken+soul).



> "Life's too short for so much sorrow." ~ Nora Montgomery

Sitting and thinking. Laying around and sleeping. Thoughts coming and going. Breathing and living. This is somewhat, what she'd had been doing for some time now. Had it been years or even months of it? Or was it weeks and days?

Or maybe it was merely hours to seconds this had been happening for. She'd didn't really pay any attention to time anymore. She stopped paying attention to what day it was. The clock only read 3:30 PM minutes ago, or so she thought; but now it read 7:10 PM. What had happened in that time?

What was going on then? Life continued on but she didn't really notice how much time was slipping out of her grasp. She looked around before dropping her gaze back to her computer screen. It seemed like an endless void of internal silence, she'd only continued to look at the computer to avoid her reality.

Life was changing and people were leaving faster then she could say goodbye. She'd never liked goodbyes, she hated saying them too. So when the time had come to say goodbye she'd always leave without saying another word.

Sure it was selfish and mean but, that's all she could personally handle. She hated herself for it but has been doing it for years. Maybe this is why she was always on her computer or phone. Maybe this is why she'd always have the music turned up all the way, just to block out those who were leaving; those who were hurting her. But these were only thoughts that passed through her mind ever so often. She'd stopped paying attention and began ignoring the truth. Was it good? Was it bad? Should she stop?

She didn't know whether it was good or bad, she refused to stop. I guess you could say she had stopped trying in general. Does it sound disgraceful? Would that make her an impure person? Did it really matter? Or was it just more thoughts swirling around her blank mind. But was her mind as blank as it was or was it just empty. Though does that really define emptiness?

 **Empty:ˈem(p)tē/** _**adjective** _

**1\. containing nothing; not filled or occupied.**

Did this help? Was she being useful? Or nearly a waste. You could say she could easily zone out from the world around her in the blink of an eye. Was this her escape? Maybe. Or maybe not. Her gaze left the computer screen and quickly made it's way to the window, off to the far right of her room.

The glass had hints of various hands prints on it along with old dried raindrops. Since she'd kept forgetting to put the screen back in. The outer border of the window was painted a dark turquoise. The wall surrounding it was a dull blue as if the sky was gray but you could see the hint of blue, but the gray overpowered it into a pale blue.

The outside view wasn't any different. The sky was still plain, still the same cloudy day nothing about that seemed to change. Her eyes closed then resumed to stare back at her computer screen. No thoughts. No ideas. Nothing. Was this all a dream? What was this? What did she seek out of this? She seemed content and yet again not feeling anything.

Was she lonely? Was she sad? Her breathing didn't change she remained calm, her eyes dead. Her irises faint, the color had long degraded. There was no color or at least that's what it seemed. They seemed to be a pale gray, but if you looked at them long enough maybe you'd see color. The shine in them had died too. But there wasn't really much to do.

So she continued to sit and stare into the endless void of her computer. Switching back and forth from site to site. Some say she was surfing the web. Those words reminded her back when she was younger her Dad would tell,  _"You're channel surfing again.. Why not just pick one and stick with it."_

To which she responded with  _"But then I would miss what was going on, on the others and I wouldn't want the other shows to feel bad."_

But what did that mean? Can't channels have feelings? Neither can paper. She'd always pick up a paper and put it in the recycle bin so it wouldn't be alone. Maybe she did it because no one else treated her right? Was that it? Was it all the loneliness? Was it the depression? No one knows for sure but it was something very interesting.

Life has been very interesting lately. But what was life? What did it mean? What was the point of life? Some people say It's a gift from 'God'. But what is God really? Does he exist? If so where is he? Does he not know the children of Earth are hurting. Does he know people are dying? Does he care? Probably not. She used to secretly believe in God.

Sometimes she'd beg for mercy. Other times she'd beg for her friends to be happy. But you could say none of this ever came true. Besides who'd give her mercy. She's just another human what was the difference? Nothing. She did once believe in him but soon gave up. Did you know you can only fix yourself? Well, that's what people told her daily.

She'd used to lean on her friends but, times have changed. No one's there anymore. Everyone has their own life, so why should they give two shits about her? She was just another lonely human who walked the Earth in search of a purpose. She'd used to tell her friends how she was feeling, but nowadays. No one answers.

It's like being invisible. At least that's what she'd say. It felt like being forgotten. I mean she could see clearly they were online. But soon gave up on reaching out and started keeping to herself once again. She'd known it was bad but she didn't care. Like she'd say  _"I rather be alone than be around people who make me feel alone."_

Or was it because she didn't want to hurt them? She wondered if these thoughts seemed too desperate. So she'd keep her mouth shut and continue on. Always living in the shadow of herself.  _But she'll be okay... Right?_


End file.
